You can RUN alone, but you don't have to run ALONE. When I decided to start running and that I wanted to do a 5k, I told nobody. I was embarrassed with how much work I would need to do, I was afraid of not succeeding, and kind of wanted to reserve the right to just give up (bad idea, but true). For the most part, I really did kept it to myself, but after a few weeks I just needed someone to talk to about it and share things with. Serious thank you's to Chelsea and Amee for letting me vent, sharing wins/losses, and keeping me accountable. There were a small handful of other people I reached out to for tips and advice along the way - people I knew who had experience and help to offer, and who I was comfortable being open to because I knew they would support me no matter what. I really hate asking for help at anything in general, so I appreciate how willing the people I reached out to were to help me and I need to remember that asking for help is OK. They taught me stretches, helped me get fit for shoes, and were just all around helpful. I hate running when other people are at the gym and I can't run next to somebody outside - I kind of have to run alone. But, I didn't need to experience everything by myself, and for that I'm extremely grateful.
It's easier to keep going than it is to start. What is the saying - it takes 21 days to form a habit? Something like that. Getting started is the hardest part. Once I made going to the gym 3-4 times a week a routine for myself, it became so much easier. Easier to actually physically show up to the gym, not necessarily run! I stopped running after my 5k for a few weeks (ok a month...) and it's been SO hard to get back into it. I think back to the couple months leading up to the 5k and it was just a thing I made myself do. I didn't push it off every day, telling myself "maybe tomorrow..." and that's how it was at the beginning. I found myself going back and reading a blog from Chelsea about motivation more than a few times and kept thinking to myself "Forget motivation. Just do it." You can't wait for it to feel right or the mood to strike you. The first few weeks were rough, but it's so surprising to think back to how determined I was when I was in the swing of things. I even went running on vacation in San Diego!
 |
| Running next to the ocean in San Diego |
Our minds are SO powerful. I feel like a lot of cliches are based around this sort of phrase, but I've experienced how much your frame of mind and attitude seriously effect outcomes. There were days I went running, and my mind was already in poor state - "Running sucks I hate this I'm tired I don't want to go." I would run anyway, be miserable, not have a good run, then be miserable when I got home because it was a crappy run. I can't always force myself to be positive about running, but I try. Going into it with a good attitude, confidence, and positive thinking changes so much. It was crazy to me to actually see the difference of that - not only did those runs feel better, they were actually EASIER. Every time I had a great run or reached some milestone I set for myself, I went into it with an enthusiastic and positive attitude from the beginning. I wish I had some trick to keep myself in a positive mindset about running because it really effects so much.
Am I better than I was yesterday? I have this bad habit of comparing myself to other people, in all aspects of life. It's something I kind of do unconsciously, and running pointed that out to me, and how seriously detrimental that can be. It had been a few months of mostly treadmill running, and I looked in the mirror and saw how SLOW I was running. I didn't have any illusions of being a speed demon, but I was like "I FEEL LIKE I'M RUNNING SO MUCH FASTER THAN IT LOOKS LIKE WTF IS THIS SERIOUS?!" I was so discouraged, especially running next to some seeming track athlete at the gym. Negative thoughts started creeping in - "this is it? You've been running for months and this is it? You're hardly even running... look at this girl right here. She's running 7 minute miles and you're barely not walking." It took me awhile to get out of that line of thinking and what did it was thinking back to where I was 3 months ago compared to where I was that day. Was I better than I was when I started? Am I still getting better? It was hard to see, but there's no way I could have run what I did that day on my first day of this. I had progressed so far for myself. Sure I wasn't anywhere close to Speedy McSpeedster next to me, but I didn't need to compare myself to her. Why would I? I needed to recognize all the hard work I had done and all the progress I had made myself - that's all that matters. I had to stop judging myself and just give myself some credit for what I'd accomplished. I know maybe that doesn't seem like a big thing, but it was a huge thing for me to understand and recognize, and to change my way of thinking. I also tend to get discouraged easily. I had to recognize bad days happen. Days where I just don't do as well as I'd hoped or know I can. And that's ok! That doesn't mean I'm a failure and need to quit. It means I had a bad day and can do better tomorrow.
Pet Peeve: "You finished it!" Running the 5k sucked. I had just got back from San Diego and came down with a terrible cold (cussing airplanes). I actually very seriously considered going to the doctor (big deal for me), and wasn't sure I was going to run the race. On the day of the race, I was hacking up a lung and just felt kind of all over miserable. I set out my "Medication Plan" the night before if I decided to run - Delsym, Ibuprofen, Sudafed, Nasacort, Allegra, cough drops, anything to hopefully keep my head and lungs from exploding. It was pretty miserable, I did horrible, but "I finished it." People say that and I'm like... yeah but what other option did I have? I'm not going to just, ya know, stop in the middle of the field and stay there... even if I walked literally the whole thing, I still would have "finished it" so it's really not any kind of accomplishment. I appreciate the sentiment, but it just kind of doesn't make sense. That being said, I AM proud of myself for accomplishing what I did and sticking to my goal, and am actually almost looking forward to another 5k and for it to be more successful.
 |
| Ok so the flask was just a matching birthday present... |
I need a goal. I need to work toward something. After I signed up for the 5k, I found myself taking things much more seriously. There was so much less procrastination because I had an end game. It gave running a reason because I wanted the 5k to be successful. I also had mini-goals/milestones I set for myself along the way. Accomplishing those felt SO rewarding, and remembering that feeling kept me going and creating new goals for myself because I wanted to reach them and experience that feeling again. And again, I had to keep myself from comparing my goals to other people, and letting myself be excited when I accomplished things I set for myself that were significant for me. Being able to share those accomplishments with my "support crew" and letting them be excited for me helped, too :)
Runner's high is REAL. Seriously real. After my second or third run, I just had this wave of loving EVERYBODY and immediately texted Chelsea and asked if she'd run a 5k with me sometime (fully aware it was the endorphins making me do that). I've felt that way a handful of times after running - happy, energetic, and motivated. And they've always come after having a good attitude and pushing myself.
All in all, it was a really fantastic experience and is something I hope to continue and keep in my life. I mean, I even have 2 pairs of running shoes now!
